The case for compassion

holdinghandsI wanted to share with you a blog from the Washington Post, written by the co-founders of an important organization, the New York Zen Center for Contemplative Care. The Center follows in the footsteps of Upaya, where I participated in the “being with dying” program. I was particularly struck by the opening paragraph, describing a heart-breaking situation with a patient who is dying of cancer:

“I am dying. My tears are not because I am sad I am dying. I am just so disheartened that no one wants to talk to me about this and just sit with me. I wish someone would sit with me, like you two, and just be with me at this crucial time.”

It’s such a small request—one that the authors fulfilled without a second thought—but one that can quite literally mean everything to someone who is facing the end of their life.

Ultimately what we’re talking about in these situations is the need for compassion.

We often hear the term referenced in terms of health care, but not everyone realizes how critical compassion really is to any palliative treatment plan. There is a strong scientific basis underscoring the role that compassionate care plays the psychological and, consequently, physical well-being. It takes myriad forms and it’s clearly not quantifiable in scientific terms, but there is little question that small acts of compassion can have a massive impact; holding hands, listening to someone sharing their story, smiling at one another in silence, or even crying together all provide a level of comfort to a dying patient that many of us cannot conceive of.

The response of the patient they referenced leaves no question of that:

“As we were leaving Sarah’s room, she smiled and said, ‘Thank you both for pulling up a chair and sitting down. Thank you for looking at me. I felt you so engaged and that you were curious about me. When we sat in silence, which was kind of awkward at first, it turned out to be just wonderful because you didn’t run out. Maybe this is what I missed my whole life—care, attention and curiosity and silence. Thank you for offering that.’ 

She died quietly the next day, leaving us an invitation to imagine a health-care system that provides not only care and attention but also curiosity, presence and when there is nothing more to say, silence.”

So I’d like to leave you with a simple request of your own. As the holiday season barrels towards us, please take a moment to exercise compassion, however briefly or minutely with a loved one because in the end, those moments are all that matter.

Wishing you all peace for this season and all the year.

Gift-giving that makes a difference…

The Wood Buffalo Primary Care facility in Fort MacMurray, Alberta, has put in place an equipment borrowing program for palliative patients and their loved ones. Upon referral, patients and families can access the resource center, where a variety of equipment is available free of charge, and for an indefinite period.

The reason why I found this interesting is that when people think about palliative care, they tend to think mostly about medications. Obviously treating symptoms pharmaceutically is an important component of what we do, but there are many other dimensions involved that are often overlooked or misunderstood by the public—and the role of specialized equipment is one of them.

When someone is being cared for at home, specialized equipment becomes incredibly important. Things like bath aids, railings, grabbers, and soft blankets are essential to ensuring the comfort of someone who is sick. But of course, these supplies are costly and it’s not a cost that should be borne by patients or families during this difficult time. Many programs across the country provide these tools, but it’s something that is perpetually in demand. So as the season approaches where many of us are donating to the myriad worthwhile charities, please consider your local palliative care center. Your gifts will help bring comfort to those who need it most.

Coping with the holidays at the most difficult time

Winter is here, and the holiday season is fast approaching. For most people, it’s a time of year that we look forward to, that brings us warmth and joy at the thought of its arrival. But when a loved one is facing the end of their life the holidays can be especially hard, not only for the one dying, but for all of their friends and family.

It can be incredibly difficult to balance the sadness one feels at the impending loss of loved ones while the world around you is celebrating.

But there’s also something truly beautiful that happens around Christmas, that I’ve been fortunate enough to witness on many occasions. The holidays, more often than not, bring together friends and family members from all over, some of whom might have been apart for years—it’s the most common time of year for reunions. And so Christmas, in fact, can provide someone who is dying with an opportunity they might never have otherwise.

Yes, it can be difficult coming to terms with the fact that this might be someone’s last Christmas, but it’s also such an important time to celebrate the memories that have been created in all those holidays past.

Remember too, that staff at hospices and palliative care centers are always available to help. Never hesitate to reach out to them; they are no strangers to the pressures associated with this time of year. Take the time to read this piece written by the Edmonton Zone Palliative Care Program, and as it says, “be good to yourself.”